3.5 Ways to Define Success

How do most people in our society define the word “success”? It’s usually with money. A big house, a nice car, expensive clothes, eating at the best restaurants, taking incredible vacations, etc.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having any of those things. In fact, financial success can provide security, freedom, opportunity and experiences that can dramatically improve our lives. But money is only one type of measurement of personal success.

In Black Belt Living, success isn't defined by one narrow area of your life. It's defined by who you are becoming across all areas of your life. I've known people who make tremendous amounts of money yet are unhappy, unhealthy and completely dissatisfied with the person staring back at them in the mirror. I've also known people who drive expensive cars and wear designer clothes but can't maintain a healthy relationship, manage their emotions or find any real sense of purpose in their lives.

Are they successful? Financially maybe, but as a whole person? That's a much bigger question.

Financial stability is incredibly important, but it shouldn't become the be-all and end-all of how we measure our lives. If you're building your bank account while destroying your health, is that success? If you're advancing professionally while your relationships are falling apart, is that success? If everyone around you thinks you're successful, but privately you feel miserable, is that success?

I believe success has to be bigger than that.

That being said, here are my 3.5 Ways to Define Success:

1. Physical Success

I truly believe one of the most important areas of life in which every person should pursue success is Physical Excellence. Why? Because almost everything else you want to accomplish requires your body to carry you there. Your career requires energy. Your family requires energy. Building a business requires energy. Pursuing goals requires energy. Even enjoying the success you've worked so hard to create requires your health. What good is building an incredible life if you're physically unable to enjoy it?

There's another benefit to Physical Excellence that goes far beyond muscles, body fat or what you see in the mirror. Physical training develops characteristics that transfer into every other area of your life. When you consistently exercise and make better nutritional choices, you practice self-discipline. You learn how to do difficult things when you don't necessarily feel like doing them. You experience the confidence that comes from making a commitment to yourself and actually keeping it.

That discipline doesn't stay in the dojo or gym. It follows you into your business, your career, your relationships and your goals. The same is true of confidence. As your confidence grows, you're often more willing to challenge yourself, have difficult conversations, pursue opportunities and take calculated risks that can move your life forward. That's why Physical Excellence isn't simply about looking better. It's about becoming stronger, more disciplined and more capable.

Create a weekly training schedule that challenges you both physically and mentally. For many people, that may mean training four or five times each week for approximately 45 minutes, adjusted appropriately for your age, goals, ability and recovery needs. Eventually, something interesting happens. Exercise stops being something you have to do and becomes part of who you are. When that happens, you've moved beyond simply working out. You've begun achieving Physical Success.

2. Intellectual Success

I opened my first business when I was 24 years old. I had completed some college courses, but I remember thinking, “Well, if I'm going to own a kickboxing and martial arts school for the rest of my life, why would I need a college education?” Luckily, I had a mentor who recognized just how much I didn't know.

He encouraged me to read. And read. And then read some more. Business, finance, management, advertising, marketing, personal development, leadership, coaching and anything else that could help me become better at what I was doing. Some of those subjects I jokingly say I've earned a PhD in. Maybe an MBA in a few others. And there are still subjects where it feels like I haven't even cracked open the first book!

And that's exactly the point. Intellectual Success isn't reaching a place where you know everything. It's reaching a place where you understand that you never will.

The more responsibility you take on, the more important continued learning becomes. For me, that pursuit of knowledge opened doors. It helped me become a better business owner, instructor, leader and coach. It contributed to opportunities to own several businesses, serve as a Regional Director for a national association, write for industry publications and continue advancing professionally and personally.

But Intellectual Success isn't about collecting titles, degrees or certificates. It's about remaining teachable. Our industry has changed dramatically the past 10 years. Technology changes. Business changes. The way people communicate changes. And the skills that made you successful 10 years ago may not be enough to make you successful during the next 10.

Today, we have access to more information than at any other point in human history. Books, courses, mentors, podcasts, seminars, certifications, coaches and experts are all available to us. The information is there. The question is whether you're still willing to learn.

Set aside dedicated time every week to study something that makes you better at what you do—or simply makes you a more knowledgeable and capable human being. The moment you decide you have nothing left to learn is probably the moment you've stopped growing. Keep learning and continue pursuing Intellectual Success.

3. Connection Success

Who you surround yourself with can make a HUGE difference in your attitude, your decisions and ultimately your ability to reach your goals. Let's say you tell a close friend, “I've decided to go back to school,” or “I'm finally going to start that business,” or “I'm going to lose 30 pounds and get back into shape.” And let’s say their immediate response is, “You can't do that,” “That's never going to work,” or “Why would you even try?”

That person may be what I call an anchor. An anchor keeps you tied to where you already are. Sometimes it's intentional. Sometimes it's jealousy or insecurity. And sometimes it actually comes from someone who loves you and doesn't want to see you get hurt if you fail. Regardless of the intention, constantly surrounding yourself with people who reinforce baseless limitations makes growth much harder.

Then there are the motors. A motor moves you forward. Motors don't necessarily tell you that every idea you have is brilliant. In fact, the best motors will sometimes challenge you, disagree with you and tell you something you don't want to hear. But they'll challenge you because they want you to grow.

They'll also encourage you to take that first step. They'll listen when you're frustrated. They'll introduce you to someone who can help. They'll recommend a book, resource, mentor or opportunity. And when you start making excuses, they may be the person who reminds you of what you said you wanted in the first place.

Anchors create and reinforce your limitations. Motors challenge and inspire your potential.

So take a look at the people around you. Who are your motors? Who are your anchors? And maybe the most important question of all: Which one are YOU in the lives of the people around you?

Build relationships with people who challenge you, support you and encourage your growth, and make sure you're doing the same for them. That's Connection Success.

3.5 Goal Success

Notice I didn't say simply “achieving goals.” I'm talking about learning how to set a goal correctly in the first place, because a poorly defined goal is often nothing more than a wish.

"I want to get healthier." “I want to make more money.” “I want to grow my business.” “I want to read more.” Those may all be worthwhile intentions, but what exactly are you going to do?

Here are two simple changes that can immediately make your goals stronger. First, set “I WILL” goals. Instead of saying, “I want to lose weight,” say, “I WILL lose weight.” Instead of saying, “I want to grow my business,” say, “I WILL grow my business.” It's a small change in language, but an important one. “I want” describes a desire. “I will” declares an intention.

Second, BE SPECIFIC. Saying “I will lose weight” is better than “I want to lose weight,” but it's still vague. How much weight? By when? A stronger goal would be, “I will lose 20 pounds over the next four  months (or XX date).” Now you've created a measurable target and a timeframe.

The same principle applies professionally. Instead of saying, “I want to grow my martial arts school,” try, “I will increase my active student enrollment from 175 students to 225 students by June 30.” Now you know exactly what you're trying to accomplish. Once the destination becomes clear, you can begin building the plans, actions, systems and accountability necessary to get there.

That's why Goal Success gets the “.5.” Goals aren't another isolated area of success. They're the vehicle that helps you create success in every other area of your life. Set better goals. Create a solid plan. Take action. Measure your progress. Adjust when necessary. And then keep moving forward.

Because ultimately, success isn't just about what you have.

It's about who you had to become to achieve it.

EXTRA: Want to Go Deeper With Goal Setting? If you'd like the complete excerpt from my book on setting and achieving goals, email me at coachjohnkyle@gmail.com and I'll send it to you!